Disappointment


So I was actually getting out of the house without the boys and not going to work.  I was off to a bridal shower.  But I had to make one stop on the way.  I needed a card.  I ran into the closest food store since I had to get cash back for the tolls.  And that’s when it happened to me; I was discriminated against because I am heavy and not as pretty (right now I am sitting on a 5’5 frame at 199 pounds).  Now I know some of you may read this and think I was too sensitive or reading the situation wrong, and that may be.  But that’s not how I felt.

I picked out a card fairly quick since I was running late.  There were 5 lines jutting out in to the aisles.  I was going to stand in line longer than it took me to pick out this darn card.  As I headed down to the last two aisles, since they seemed the shortest, I noticed the lane closed sign up on the one.  I’ve worked at a grocery store when I was younger and I remember trying to leave at the end of my shift.  People would always try and sneak to the end of my line after I put up my sign and boy would it piss me off.  So I stepped into the line across from the closed register and waited.

As I stood there shifting back and forth impatiently I watched the other line slowly dwindle.  My cashier was finally checking out the person in front of me, who had a good amount of items.  The closed register was finally done and he started to clean up his station.

When all of a sudden I heard, pssst.

I look over to the closed register as did the people behind me; a couple, athletic build, blond, cute couple.  The cashier was looking at them and said, “I can check you out real quick if you want”.  And without hesitation they shifted over with their 10 – 12 items.  And there I stood with my card in hand waiting as I heard him say, “I feel bad seeing you wait, I can take you real quick.”

What just happened.  What the . . . . .

How is it that they were invited over and I wasn’t.  I was standing there longer and I only had a card, that’s it.  He could easily see me because there was nothing in the middle to spilt the two registers, the belts were both on the inside of the aisle so the registers both sat on the outside and there was one big aisle to walk through.

My conculsion is that I appear ugly because of excess weight.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying heavy set people are ugly.  I’m saying I am ugly when I am fat.  I have a very good friend that is heavier and she is really pretty.  I couldn’t imagine her thin.  She wouldn’t look right.  I feel the same about Queen Latifa.  She looks great.  She would not look good thin/skinny.

So there I stood, fighting back tears, trying to hold back from making a scene.  You can’t just randomly take customers after you have closed your lane.  There are only three types of people I would consider it okay, elderly, pregnant or a parent alone with a crying baby.  These two definitely did not fit any of these profiles.

So why were they invited over to the closed aisle and neither I nor anyone else was?

I wear my old ID tags behind my new one that I have to get every year at work.  When someone asks me why, I flip them over to about four years ago and tell them, “This is what I used to look like before kids, I haven’t always looked like this”.

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So my birthday and Christmas (which I celebrate) are only 9 days apart.  It has always been a bit harder time for me since my birthday gets over looked; which is an understatement.  I really have had crappy birthdays, no really. Well you asked for it, here comes the stories. . . .

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I’m officially a slacker.   I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t ran since last week.  It got hot and humid here again and I know I  shouldn’t ‘overheat’ myself so instead of going out early or late in the day I didn’t go at all.  I’ve been really tired and my back hurts.   With my first pregnancy I had the same issues.  My back was killing my first trimester then I was fine.   I don’t know why but I was kind of backwards.   And part of me knew this was going to happen.  I no longer have my goal (the race) therefore I no longer have my motivation.  I know avoiding gestational diabetes should be my new goal but since I haven’t been tested yet I’m just not as motivated as what I should be.  I just need to get out of this funk!

images.jpgAlright, alright, I didn’t give up. Not just yet. My running partner is so excited to race, as would I be if I could run! But who am I to let her down. Besides, apparently the next two weeks are down weeks. My schedule for this week is walk 3 miles (I don’t even have to run that day!), then running 1 mile, 1.5 miles, then 1 mile. I can do that. I just need time to recover. So I’m a runner for at least another week.

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images.jpgThis week’s schedule is planned out like this: 1.5, 1.75, 2.0. Yep, only 3 days to increase a quarter mile each time.

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images.jpgMy last time running 3/4ths of a mile and I cut 20 more seconds off! I ran it in 8:21. Yea, I think I’m becoming a runner! Now we need to up it to a mile.

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images.jpgAlright, here we go. And again it really sucked. But I ran it all, no stopping. I ran 3 laps around, 3/4ths of a mile. I do this 3 more times until the end of my second week.

My first day running 3/4ths I complete it in 8:58. As long as I am running a quarter mile in 3 minutes or less I’m going alright. That means I am running 12 minute miles and I should finish the 5k in about 36 minutes. I am hoping to get it down to 30 minutes, but I’m just focusing on running the whole thing.

My time by the end of the week for the 3 laps is 8:41. Alright, not bad, I cut 17 seconds off. But am I read for a mile? Luckily my third week has me doing 3/4 of a mile one more time.

I hope I will be ready for that mile!

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